Tragically, we have yet to find the elusive unicorn whose theoretical existence prompted our launch into the world of modern swinging. We’ve talked for some time about finding a girlfriend, but it hasn’t happened yet.
At first glance, we’re kind of the prototypical male/female couple. She is seductively feminine, seemingly submissive, and gentle in an inviting, alluring way. Meanwhile, I come across as assertively masculine, potentially aggressive, and confident in a way that only White males in America are allowed to be. We compliment and balance each other.
In private, we betray our gender-normative-ness. Of course, I’m as dominant as needed and she is a domestic cuddle-monster, but besides that, our personal life together is a constant interplay of our unique perceptions of ourselves. We spend our days riding the rollercoaster of our own humanity, gaining thrills and insight from the ups and downs we’re constantly cascading along.
Ms. Lyrical has a dominant side. She can choke, spank, bite, slap, and ride with the best of them, but her alpha side exists outside of the bedroom, as well. Sometimes, she has to assert herself. Sometimes she has to put my obnoxious ass in its place. I get on a high horse sometimes... hubris inebriates me and I become unable to see things without the lens of my own arrogance skewing the picture. In those instances, I need her to call me out. I need her to be aggressive enough to say something that might be difficult for her to say. When I lose perspective, I need her to step into my world and reel me back in where I belong.
Similarly, I have learned that I can be gentle. I’ve learned that an argument only stays an argument when you let it. Two people can only stay fighting for so long as one or both participants are willing to do so. With that in mind, I sometimes have to let go of the character I play in public. Sometimes, when something is bothering her and she can’t articulate it, I just have to listen harder. Sometimes I need to be comforting instead of confident. Tempered aggression can get you a lot of things in life, but it has little to no productive use when someone you love needs compassion.
We need a unicorn who understands this. Sociologically, they say that the most significant social shift occurs when a group moves from two individuals to three. Suddenly, the two prodigal members of the group are flooded with a new set of opinions and experiences to adapt into their already-established system. Contrarily, the newest member of the group must learn an unfamiliar system of pre-established social norms. The truth is, all three individuals must suddenly work to have their needs and desires correlate into one functioning social system.
What better environment to observe this phenomenon than in a ménage à trois? Whether a couple is welcoming a third – or a trio is experiencing spontaneous lustfulness outside of the traditional binary formula – threesomes are an open rejection of the rule of thirds in sociology. Horny men and women scoff at decades of political science and research when they decide to do the nasty in a triangle. Literally stripped of their vestments and inhibitions, trios of men and women reach into their primal selves and discover their ability to co-exist through carnal enterprise.
What does coexistence mean in this context? How do you define a successful threesome? Body fluids drizzled everywhere at the end? Crumpled humans collapsed in exhaustion? Individual sexual orientation… redefined? Depending on who you are, a successful three-way might mean one, or all, of the above.
For us, success is less easy to summarize because it’s rooted in the abstract, much like the gender roles we take on. Our dynamic is nuanced, intricate, and ever-evolving, so a third participant would have to match our intensity in that regard. It essentially comes down to needing someone who knows themselves unquestionably, but in that knowledge they have found nearly infinite room for exploration. Finding the right unicorn is about more than mechanics or aesthetics… it is about sharing our whole selves with someone we can embrace and grow with.
So, cutting through all the esoteric stuff, what am I really saying? Am I talking about finding us a girlfriend, a friend with benefits, a slave, or something else entirely? I’m just glad that, whatever we seek, we aim to define it together. I’m grateful that I have a partner whose interests and priorities are as intricate and nuanced as mine. Probably more than anything, I’m just thankful to have a partner who continues to satisfy and love me for the person I am rather than the ideal they hold me up to.
She wants to taste you on my lips. I want you, to share with me, the pleasures of her tongue and fingertips. We want your body for fun and fantasy, but we also want your mind and spirit for all the wonders they offer. We don’t need you to “add to” or “spice up” our sex life… we want you to uplift and expand it. We want a true unicorn… one that can enter our lives with an open mind and help us figure out the relation/friend-ship as it unfolds in front of us.
In fact, it’s probably not even accurate to say we want a unicorn. We’re not looking for a myth, or an unrealizable ideal... we’re looking for someone to help us fly.
We’re looking for a Pegasus, baby!