As a married woman in the lifestyle, I absolutely adore single males. My husband and I do occasionally play separately, and I love the thrill of scoping out single men that are capable of satisfying me physically and mentally. The online chatting, the flirting and picture exchange, the dirty words. I enjoy every minute of it. Of course, I’m not always seeking out single men, and about a year ago I found myself scoping out couples online searching for the perfect duo to fulfill the desire I had to be a unicorn in this lifestyle. I did not realize that this quest would lead me down a road I never wanted to take…a road of deception.
The swingers site I was using back then allowed users to have a “tagline,” a short but catchy phrase that other users see before viewing the rest of your profile. I changed mine to something obvious about my burning desire to have a FMF threesome with a sexy, secure and drama-free couple (with a unicorn joke thrown in there for good measure).
After a few days and a few messages from couples that didn’t pan out, I received an incredibly thorough and entertaining message from a promising couple... the male half of the couple, to be exact. Their profile picture was vague, just two torsos standing next to each other, heads cut off, legs cut off, but they were arm-in-arm and holding beers. These are people I could get along with, I thought!
I read through the message and was delighted to find a hot jumble of seduction, blush-inducing compliments, and humor: the sapiosexual in me was hooked. I immediately clicked over to their full profile to check out their “About Me” section to find out more, expecting to see the established profile of an intelligent and well-mannered couple. Instead I found the standard “looking for females to have fun with” one-liner I had so often seen in the profiles of other couples that I couldn’t bring myself to be interested solely because of the lack of information about them.
Their profile picture was the only picture to be found, and their tagline simply said “mw4w.” For a moment I hesitated, but then realized I was being petty. Just because their profile lacked depth and personality didn’t mean that I should blow them off! After all, the message sent to me was eloquent, literate, and had me curious to know more about them and what they were looking for. I decided to reply and ask them the questions that I had hoped to find the answers to in their profile.
My reply was impressive, if I do say so myself. I returned the compliments as much as I could based on the very little information I had about these people. I asked general questions. Are you from here? How long have you two been together? Do you have any other pictures? I proofread my message as I always do and when I was satisfied with it I clicked that send button.
The reply I received was almost immediate, and much shorter than the initial message I received from them. It was again the male half of the couple, and he answered my questions in short bursts. We are from here, yes. Been married 5 years. The site won’t let us upload other pictures, sorry.
Instantly disappointed by the sudden lack of finesse, I probed even deeper. At this point I unintentionally made this exchange a mission to dig deeper into this mysterious couples’ lives. I refused to let it go! I asked more questions about their relationship, offered to help explain how to upload pictures into a gallery, and even asked to speak to the female half of the couple. His responses were never very long, so I asked him if emailing would be an easier form of communication. Email then became our primary method of communication.
I assumed emailing him would eliminate a lot of the issues he was having with the site, and as far as pictures of himself went, it did! I asked him for pictures, and he sent me four pictures of himself. What a gorgeous specimen of a man! Glasses, beard, great smile and tattoos in all the right places. Just my type!
I sent a few pictures of myself back to him and we continued talking in a most enjoyable manner. What a wonderful gentleman! Sexually we seemed absolutely compatible and we had many similar interests. At this point only one thing was bothering me: I had yet to speak to his wife or even see a picture of her. He told me her name, Karen, and that she was an animal in the bedroom. Great, I responded, but can I talk to her? I’d even be willing to Skype!
Every time I broached this topic, he would tell me how she was a nurse and worked crazy hours, or how she had the flu and was out of commission. I finally did get him to send me a picture, a candid shot of a leggy blonde woman in a black cocktail dress with a martini in one hand and a cell phone in the other. She was pretty and when we finally agreed on a place and time to go out and meet for drinks, something inside of me was suspicious that I hadn’t seen more of her. I dismissed my concerns as pure paranoia and figured he was just the alpha as far as communications go. I of all people understand this as I take the same role with myself and my husband in this lifestyle!
I dressed up to the nines and headed to the bar. I like to get to meet-ups early and take the stalker approach when it comes to these things. I ordered a glass of wine and sip it while I scope out the front door. After ten minutes, I see the man I’ve been talking to for weeks walk through the door... alone. He saunters up to other end of the bar and orders a drink, then proceeds to look over in my general direction. At this point I’m feeling incredibly uneasy at the lack of a tall leggy blonde’s presence, which in turn emboldens me to wave at him. He smiles his beautiful smile and walks over to me, and before he can even get a “hello” out, I ask him where Karen is. He stammered a bit and nervously sipped his Jack and Coke before telling me she wasn’t feeling up to going out tonight after a long shift at the hospital.
“Which hospital?” I asked insistently.
“The big one downtown.”
“Which one? There are two of them.”
“The one close to Ocean Drive.”
“You don’t know the name of the hospital she works at?”
He froze and just stared at me for a moment, then sighed and motioned towards a small table away from the busy bar. We sat down together and he explained to me that he is not part of a couple. He’s a divorced father of two and his ex-wife Kathy has custody of his kids. Loneliness has taken over his life lately and he longed for the touch of a warm-blooded female, but wasn’t having any luck as a single male. I felt anger welling up inside of me at having been duped into coming to this bar expecting to meet a couple and told him as much, but I also added that if he had approached me as a single male I would’ve definitely been interested because of how much we had in common, how respectful he’d been (besides the lying, of course), and how sexually compatible we seemed to be through the many email exchanges we’d had.
I then sincerely asked him what he thought was going to happen tonight when he showed up without his “wife,” and he had no good answer for me. Humiliated and angry beyond all reason, I got up and left without saying another word to him. I never contacted him again, and his profile was gone from the site the next day.
This experience was a huge eye-opener for me as far as this lifestyle goes. I had always read about scammers or fakes, people pretending to be someone they’re not, but I was confident I was smart enough not to be fooled by such hooligans. I was wrong. Not all fakes are obvious, and not all fakes are especially bad people. What he did was wrong on every level, but the compassionate part of me can’t help but think he truly meant well and resorted to desperate measures to find the human contact he so desired. The other part of me, however, was left with a terrible feeling of distrust towards every single profile I came across on every lifestyle site I visited, and for that I found myself resentful of what he had done to me.
If you have a strange feeling about a profile, trust it. If you think something looks fishy or some things aren’t lining up, just believe that you’re right. When a profile looks too good to be true, it might be. Just be careful out there, all you sexy people. Not everyone has the purest of intentions.