Our very first lifestyle house party was actually my birthday party. I know, right? I had never had a big birthday party in my life, and my first one is for swingers!?!?
I have to say that our experience at our first house party was pretty unique. We didn’t know that many people in the lifestyle at that time, but some of our close friends (Ben and Lynn...just for shits and giggles) whom we had introduced to the lifestyle had gone full frontal, and they agreed to host a lifestyle party in my honor. (Blush). They knew tons of people and asked some of their friends (Bonnie and Clyde... bwahaha) of theirs to manage the guest list through another lifestyle website (not nearly as awesome as Quiver). Ben and Lynn’s house...Bonnie and Clyde hosting.
As the event approached, I watched the guest list grow as people RSVP’d, and I grew quite nervous. We knew maybe three or four couples, but we were excited about meeting new people in a private, familiar setting.
When the night finally arrived, the butterflies in my stomach were getting a workout, but I got all dolled up and grabbed my liquor bottle, and we arrived early to see if we could help before people started showing up. All said and done, we had a blast, and we have been to one other house parties since then.
Now, my purpose in writing this article isn’t to recap all the down and dirty details of the birthday party, but I do want to talk about the differences between private parties versus the club scene. We know lots of couples in the lifestyle who refuse (or are extremely reluctant) to go to clubs for different reason, and we know people who only go to clubs. Mr. DD and I remain open-minded about both. But there are several aspects of both scenes that merit discussion:
The Location: Where a house party or club is located can be a big concern. Primarily, clubs are in relatively sketchy locations due to zoning regulations, and that can make some people hesitant to go. For example, Mr. DD and I found online a club in Athens, Greece, and decided to check it out. When the cab pulled up at the address of the club, there was not a soul in sight, and let’s just say that we refused to get out because we were afraid that we might stumble upon a body on the street. On the other hand, because of the location of clubs, they do provide the anonymity and discretion that many people in the lifestyle want. House parties, however, usually take place in neighborhoods, which can be both a positive and a negative. The location can be much less sketchy, but you also run the risk of the neighbors glancing out the window and possibly getting an eye full of some naked freakiness that has ventured outside or having the local po-po show up because someone has complained about the noise waking the kids next door. Not a fun explanation to provide.
The People: Whether it is a house party or a club, if it’s lifestyle, the one common factor is that the people there are open-minded and rules-oriented. House parties usually have a finite number of people attending, and that fact may be appealing or not, depending on how you look at it. At my birthday party, most of the people there already knew each other (except Mr. DD and me), but because of the setting, we found it easy to talk to lots of different people. I even met a guy who was born on the same day and same year as I was! In most of the lifestyle clubs we have been to, there is usually what Mr. DD and I call “gen pop,” and then there is the VIP section. In our experience (and I am completely aware that everyone’s experiences are different), we have found this separation of people as frustrating. We have met couples that we really like, and after conversations and anticipation of playing, they go to the VIP section to get a drink, and poof, they’re distracted and gone, not to be seen again, and we go home to our vanilla (albeit wonderful) sex. We do not belong to our local club’s VIP, primarily for two reasons… the cost and the dancing (people don’t dance in the VIP area and we LOVE to dance).
While we love the intimate setting of a house party, we love to meet new people, and therefore, the club scene fulfills that desire. We relish the idea that we never know who will be there and that someone we’ve never met before might walk in and pique our interest. Many couples find a few friends they want to remain as playmates, and for that reason, they prefer house parties. I will say that at my birthday party, our hosts Bonnie and Clyde wanted to make sure everyone knew each other, and after about ten couples had arrived, he asked everyone to go around in a circle and introduce themselves…a weird, forced, extremely awkward moment. Besides, when you hear that many names at once, who actually remembers all of them?
Nevertheless, both clubs and house parties are populated with open-minded, rules-oriented people who like to fuck. Mr. DD said that he would equate lifestyle house parties to those crazy, parents-out-of-town high school parties… the only difference is that in the lifestyle, people follow rules and have parameters. For high schoolers, they don’t follow rules, and ‘parameters’ isn’t a word in their vocabulary yet.
The Dancing: As I mentioned before, Mr. DD and I love to dance. For that reason, we love going to our local lifestyle club. However, we are aware that at lots of other lifestyle clubs, dancing is not so popular. As a matter of fact, we have been to a few clubs where people don’t dance at all… a major point of frustration for us. We find that dancing can often arouse interest and start conversations, not to mention the entertainment of watching someone dance naked (and yes, quite often, that someone is me). Depending on the house, dancing may not be an option at a house party because of space. At my birthday party, however, dancing was certainly popular. People even brought multi-colored light “thingies” to twirl and dance with. Ben and Lynn even have their own stripper pole, but I was entirely too self-conscious in such a small setting to dance naked there.
The Drinking: At both house parties and lifestyle clubs, people bring their own beverages. Some people prefer to have a bartender or a waitress take care of their beverages, while others prefer to mix their own. At clubs, there is usually a cost factor, as tipping the staff is customary and well-deserved. Mr. DD and I have found that people at house parties feel a little more comfortable in their surroundings and tend to get a little more “fucked up” as Mr. DD puts it. I find that I generally consume more at a club for two reasons—1. It’s my social lube and 2. Bartenders can often get a little heavy-handed (not that I’m complaining). But, whether it’s a house party or a club, alcohol is definitely a major player.
The Playing: I’m an exhibitionist. I like dancing naked and having people watch me, I like fucking and having people watch me. I just like being the center of attention. Having said that, I find that at a house party, “things” tend to be a little more private, except when a naked man comes be-bopping out of a bedroom, dick pointing the way, to go down the hall to the bathroom to pee. LOL. At my birthday party, because of the intimate setting, I found myself to be a little more self-conscious and reserved, not really dancing or playing. I am also a voyeur. Even though clubs have private play rooms, I tend to prefer the open rooms as they provide opportunities for my exhibitionism as well as live porn. Watching other people play gets me going, and most of the time, house parties don’t do that for us.
All in all, you just have to pick your poison. Both settings have pros and cons, but the bottom line is that wherever you decide to go, you’re mingling with sexually liberated, open-minded people, and it’s fun!