My wife and I have been married happily for over four years. In February we will celebrate our ten year anniversary of being a couple (there is a debate as to the exact day, but if you ask me it’s the 23rd.) Rarely a day goes by where we don’t know or at least have an idea as to what the other is thinking or feeling. It’s the sort of thing that couples come to possess when they’ve been together as long as us. So you can imagine my surprise when my wife would introduce a topic as exotic and taboo as having an open relationship to me…but perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.
This can all be traced back to December of 2014. K and I have always had great sex, but as with anything you’ve been doing for ten years, things can get to be a bit stale. One night we were making love, and having a pretty good time I might add, when out of nowhere she looks up at me and says batting her beautiful eyes at me and flashing me her million dollar smile...
“Get the duct tape.”
You can imagine this came as a bit of a shock, but considering I was in the middle of fucking, I was pretty open to suggestion. I bound her wrists with the tape behind her back and we proceeded to have what was quite possibly the hottest sex we’d ever had up to that point. We discussed everything afterwards and I asked if this was something she’d always been curious about. She said yes, but for whatever reason she decided now was the time to introduce it.
We traveled down the rabbit hole of BDSM a little bit. Trying different techniques, seeing what worked for us, and further exploring our sexuality together. We both enjoyed ourselves but it was slightly strange to try and accept our new found roles in the bedroom.
Then came the blizzard.
K had been reading about different BDSM events in our area and found a flyer in a local sex toy boutique for a “Fetish Flea Market.” A sort of bazaar for different kinky/deviant tools of the trade (rope, whips, dragon tales, cuffs, you name it.) The event was to take place on Valentines Day, but I had to work. Not only did I have to work, but there was also a blizzard. So there I was, stranded in Hull, MA while my wife and another friend of ours attended the event at a hotel in Warwick, RI. I talked to her briefly on the phone that night but didn’t get too into detail about the event until I returned home the next day. That’s when the conversation started.
She told me about how while they were in a rope tying class she struck up a conversation with a trio of people from Connecticut, one woman and two men. The woman took the duty of introducing the two gentlemen, “This is my husband, and this is my play partner.” K described the moment the words leaving the woman’s mouth as surreal. K’s first reaction to the statement was “Wait...what? That’s a thing?” Now as I mentioned before, I’ve known my wife for ten years, I can tell when she’s hinting at something.
My first reaction to the idea of any “normal” man who’s wife asks if they can sleep around.
Now allow me to explain my original position, as I’m sure many of my male counterparts may relate. My wife is hot. I don’t mean that in the “oh my wife is so hot” that everyone says about their wife because they’re in love. No, I mean my wife is HOT. Combine that with my self perception as being average at best and you can begin to see my objection to an open relationship. The way I saw it playing out in my head was K having a date every weekend, and me sitting at home twiddling my thumbs. Not exactly a recipe for a happy marriage.
After my initial dismissal of the idea, I noticed K was less than chipper around the house. After a week of me trying to figure out what was wrong without having to ask, I finally relented and said “What’s wrong?” She confided that she had been constantly thinking about the idea of an open relationship. How curious she was, and how excited it made her to think of meeting new people and having new experiences. She told me how she didn’t want to open our relationship to find someone to replace me, she wanted me to have new experiences too, and to be able to fulfill fantasies that she couldn’t help me achieve herself. After a lengthy discussion of terms and rules, I agreed that we could be in an open marriage.
Why have I chosen to share this story? Well for one, I like telling stories. However the more important reason is I want to try and help a couple that may be in a similar situation to K and me. Perhaps they are also curious about an open relationship but are worried that their significant other will not be accepting of the idea, or worse yet feel betrayed by the notion.
The important thing to take away is that the two key ingredients to a healthy open/poly/swinger relationship are communication and trust. Whenever we go out on a date with someone new, we tell each other where we’re going, who we’re with, and how to get a hold of that person. Furthermore, I trust my wife is not going to leave me for some new guy she meets at a fetish night, and she trusts I’m not going to run off with some new chick that happens to catch my fancy at a swinger party.
I love my wife more than anything in the world, and I’m so glad I have someone special to share this kinky/erotic/weird journey with. hough one thought keeps crossing my mind…
What’s going to happen next time there’s a blizzard?