CAUTION: This is a post from a single male (SM). Prepare for the stereotypical short greetings, cyber cat calling, and pictures of genitalia. You have been warned :)
There is a stigma in the Lifestyle that really makes the life of a SM within it quite interesting. We all know that there are more than enough men to go around in this community, and these men seem to be the crazies, the inappropriate, and general "thirsty" (or “hungry” depending on your terminology) individuals of the world. This leads to many couples and single ladies to be anti-SM, especially when it involves a profile and all the more in person.
Now before you think of this as some vent session with a SM, listen to me clearly: I GET IT. The reason why couples and single women in the Lifestyle have a seemingly negative vibe is because SMs gave it to them! The bad seeds have created a poor aftertaste in the mouths of many, leading to most couples giving up on SMs entirely. What I am trying to say is that we, as SMs are actually stupid males (Stultus Masculum). The reason why we are stupid is because we know the difference between right and wrong.
For most, in and outside of the LS, we have been taught how to respect others, especially women. And, since being stupid is your fault and being dumb is the fault of your parents, we are being stupid. Our stupidity originates from the following:
Thinking with the wrong head
We let our genitalia get the best of us.
Insert overzealous person with megaphone “What do we want?” Sex!
“When do we want it?” Now!
We make assumptions and we all know that to assume is to make an ass out of u and me.
When you look at it, men are really hitting one or all of these points when they shoot you a message or grope you at a club, but don’t we all? Everyone in the LS has accidentally done this at some point in time because it happens. The female half (of a couple) disappears before speaking with her husband or a couple begins to "make the magic happen" in a room with another thinking full swap while the other is wanting soft, etc.
The issue is not really what SMs do; it’s just more apparent when they do it, especially since they tend to do it more often (unfortunately). What would make the interaction(s) between couples and SMs better is by everyone stating their boundaries and beliefs, always respecting the other party, and to never have expectation. The idiom "it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission" is NOT the way to go in this community. Overcompensating and being extremely detailed is never wrong as long as you are not doing it in a malicious way or in a stank (as in the level up from stink) attitude.
The LS has expanded tremendously and it’s really intended to be a place for people to be open sexually. Of course there is a lot of fun to be had along the way and some of the greatest people on the planet come from our camp, but I think it is time for us all to do a little more to be inclusive instead of exclusive and that starts by us taking more personal responsibility for our actions and refraining from judgment.
Now here again, I get it. No one wants to go through countless e-mails that are derogatory and/or effortless just to find that one gem; that's not what I am getting at. What I really want you, the reader and fellow member of the LS, to get out of this is that we all make mistakes. There are some pretty cool and respectful SMs out there, and if you're a SM (like myself), we all need to do a little more to better how other people in our community feel about us as a whole.
Happy swinging my friends and to my fellow SMs, PLEASE STOP BEING A STULTUS MASCULUM. (Because Latin is cool, but we are no longer in the age of women being "things" to tend to our loins.)