The life of a non-monogamous, sexually-inclined introvert is a big pile of contradictions:
“Holy hell, last night was amazing. All those boobs and butts and big, beautiful, bountiful brains. Wow. Now I need a minimum of four days to reflect and recover before I can be expected to participate in normal interactive human activities, like work, parenting, or conversation.”
“She seems really interesting, and I’d like to get to know her, but that would mean possibly speaking with a whole new human being, and I already know, like, a dozen human beings.”
“I enjoy playing with this couple. They enjoy playing with me. I don’t want to go over this Friday; it’s been a rough week and I need some time to relax.”
I jest. Well, maybe I don’t really jest, exactly. I exaggerate very real thoughts that go through my brain.
Introverts, despite what we might tell you and possibly believe ourselves, don’t dislike people. I mean, come on, some of our favorite people are people. However, we don’t, generally, get all jazzed up and energized by a big, crowded party.
Alternately, if we do get ourselves in party-mode by putting on the fancy underwear and drinking a couple beers, we (and by “we,” let’s be honest, I actually mean “I”) want to compensate by spending a few days doing absolutely nothing.
I know that when I meet a new person or couple, the feeling I get beforehand isn’t necessarily joyful excitement or anticipation. Though I know all the great things to come, and though I know I’ll have a good time, I still need to do a good amount of psyching myself up.
It’s a tricky balance, being both a horndog and an introvert. I’m only beginning to figure it out myself. I’d like to say I have a handy-dandy list of surefire introvert-horndog (Introdog? Hornvert?) tips and tricks, but no such luck. Because, despite what those “10 THINGS THAT ALL INTROVERTS WILL RELATE TO” listicles may have you believe, not all introverts are exactly the same.
Some look to find a few consistent, known playmates. Keep the circle small and low-key. Others suck it up and put ourselves out there, knowing it leads to greatness between the sheets (or in the shower, or outside, or… you get the idea). Some of us just stick to our comfortable world, only availing ourselves of opportunities when they pop up organically. Crazy as it may sound, some may even prefer straight-up, no-frills lifestyle party atmospheres. You know why everyone is there, you can just do your thing and be on your way with a minimum of interaction.
There isn’t, of course, a right way to approach the horny introvert paradox. Introversion isn’t something a trait that needs fixing any more than extroversion needs fixing, but sitting in a quiet living room with a beer and a book isn’t going to get us that next sexy new friend. Or, if such behavior somehow can result in spontaneous sex with new, exciting partners, it’s never worked for me.
So then, I guess we have to put ourselves out there in some way. We have to figure out how to make these two parts of our brains work together. Go forth, dearest wallflowers, over-compensating loudmouths, homebodies, and awkward human beings. Go forth and find your fun.
At whatever dosage you can manage.
With whatever recovery time you need afterwards.
In whatever environment you feel comfortable.