I have been married to my husband for eight years; however, I entered the lifestyle about two years ago as a single female. You see, my husband and I don't have a conventional marriage. But is there really such a thing as a conventional marriage these days? My husband is almost twenty years older than me, which was fine when we first got married, but as his desire for sex continues to decline, my desire for great sex is at its peak.
When I decided to go to a lifestyle club two years ago, I wasn't honest when I told my husband where I was going. I was afraid of what he would say and how he would react. It took me three months before I found the nerve to tell him the truth about my Friday night outings. He had never heard of a lifestyle club and he was confused as to why I would go to such a place unless I was there to have sex with other people. Ok, I wasn't totally honest about what I did while I was there... I had to take baby steps!
At this time, my husband had not had sex with me in three years due to some medical issues that affected his sex drive. He expected me to live a celibate life at the age of 29 just because I was married, and married people only have sex with their spouse, right? So while I was actively participating in the lifestyle, I denied partaking in any activities at the club when I talked to my husband. I had hopes that as I told him about how open the people in the lifestyle were that he would give me permission to play without making me ask. That didn't happen.
Our marriage was great if you judged it from my Facebook statuses, but in real life I was becoming an old maid too quickly. I wasn't happy and my husband sensed this. We tried talking about it several times, but I couldn't get the words "open relationship" to come out. So, since we live in the electronic age, I emailed him. I told him everything that had been weighing on my mind and crossed my fingers.
My husband said that he wanted a divorce. He told me that although he understood my need for sex, he could not give me permission to have sex with anyone else. We cried together because neither of us wanted a divorce. I still loved him; I just needed sex in my life! I spent a few nights sleeping in the guest room before we talked again. He told me that his issue with my proposal stemmed from the unknown aspects of an open relationship. He had never been to a lifestyle club before and he thought it was just a trashy place where people hooked up.
After showing my husband the website for Trapeze (the lifestyle club I attend in Atlanta), he felt more comfortable about me going there. He was impressed that there were so many rules, but he said that he wanted to go with me one night to see what it's all about. Of course, I wasn't very excited about this idea because this was MY club, my escape from reality, and I didn't want to share that with him!
Friday, January 1, 2016: I took my husband to Trapeze. He met some of my friends, he drank a few beers, and he watched his wife flirt with men and dance with women. He was so turned on by my openness with others in the club that he asked if we could have sex (in a private room, with the door locked, of course!) So, for the first time in over 5 years, I had sex with my husband. It was vanilla, but it was a big step for us. And as I laid there with him after, he looked at me and said, "I don't think I'd be jealous if you had sex with other men, and maybe we could even switch with another couple at some point". Talk about a happy new year!!
It has taken us two years to get to this point in our relationship, and we still have a lot to figure out. His sex drive is non-existent, (thank God for Cialis), and I will still need to supplement with others in the lifestyle. But for now, I'm just playing single and having a great time while introducing my husband to some of the great people I've met thus far.