You’ve read it in a couple of the blog entries from my fellow bloggers here on Inside Quiver: Communication is Key.
Communication is important in any relationship regardless of its type or dynamic. But in the Lifestyle, I would stress that it is crucial that you and your significant other be in constant communication on all the happenings.
If communication breaks down between you and your son for instance, the dishes might not get done one evening or he might arrive home after curfew. If you don’t communicate with your boss you might miss a deadline. These things, while important in scale, tend to be ancillary compared to damage that can be done if you and your partner don’t communicate effectively about the Lifestyle.
Don’t be afraid to talk very candidly about your interests when it comes to the type of person you are sexually attracted to. What are your desires for a swinging partner? Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Does it matter at all? Do you both want to full swap or stick to soft? These are things to be discussed before you ever jump into the swinger’s lifestyle.
But you’re not done communicating after your first experience. In fact, you're really just getting started. You want to have some time to talk about the experience with your partner after a certain time has passed. I say, “after a certain time has passed” because most of us plugged into the Lifestyle partake of adult beverages while we’re mixing and mingling. Call it whatever you like: liquid courage, giggle juice, road soda, saucy suds, or my favorite term, social lube.
Most of us drink at least a little to lower our inhibitions. My family & friends all know my affection for rum and my horrible Jack Sparrow impersonations that come with, but I digress.
The point is that alcohol can also impair your ability to communicate effectively. For that reason, Mrs. Active and I agree to not debrief on any particular experience until the next morning and even then only after you’ve had a cup of coffee—or the morning drink of your choice—to clear your head. We like to debrief over breakfast (which just happens to be our favorite meal of the day anyway) so that we both have metabolized all the alcohol and can think clearly and rationally to discuss what went on the previous night.
We find this morning debriefing to be a bonding experience for us. Somehow, the act of talking about it all makes us closer. Usually, be the time we make it to breakfast, we’ve lain in bed for a while drinking our coffee silently, just holding one another and enjoying what we call “The Afterglow”. The morning after any experience is a very tender time for us. We are all over each other snuggling and laying with one another, just enjoying the emotional enhancement.
We thoroughly enjoy this time to reflect on the people we hooked up with and what we liked or didn’t like about the experience as a whole. We also get very candid with one another about the individuals we got kinky with and what new “moves” we might have learned from them. We might even talk about how we can talk to those individuals to make the next time even better. If there is a next time, that is.
I can recall a recent visit to meet a couple that reached out to us. They had a great profile and we agreed to meet at their house for dinner and drinks. But the chemistry fell apart once the wife decided that Donald Trump appearing on Saturday Night live was more important than the other plans we were acting on. She tried to exercise the “get him off so I can get out” maneuver on me.
Being the sensual and sapiosexual guy that I am, if the lady isn’t 100% enthusiastic and interested then neither is my dick. I was disappointed to say the least. And Mrs. Active was let down by a case of whiskey dick since the guy didn’t bother to moderate his alcoholic intake all night.
We were both tempted to talk on the way home about such a disappointment, but remembered our debriefing rule rather than voicing our frustrations though our tequila and Bacardi buzzes. And I was glad I held my tongue once all was said and done the next morning.
The Lifestyle is what so many of our fellow swinging intellects say it is: and enhancement to our relationship. And when we talk about our swinging experiences in our debriefings, we create yet another synapse that further strengthens the bond between Mrs. Active and me.
So don’t forget to talk through everything the next morning, because even after a bad experience there is something to discuss. Whether it’s over coffee on the porch or going to your favorite bistro for and omelet and hash browns, talk with one another about what went down the previous night. Enjoy the after glow that we enjoy.